Photo source: ww.giphy.com, www.turning-point.org

*Recommended Read from the Life with Greyson + Parker blog: "That Parent"

“Well, the parents on this case are a bit….high maintenance”

“You definitely need thick skin to work with this mother”

“You have experience dealing with…very involved parents right?”

If you're an ABA professional, then you probably know what I mean by the phrase “That Parent”. You have been warned about those kinds of families in hushed tones, or directly felt their wrath somewhere in your career experience.

Who loves honesty? Yup, me too. So let’s honestly describe what is meant by the hushed and frantic whispers about THAT parent. 

The parents are/A parent is:

•  Difficult to please and/or very picky
•  Quick to complain, criticize, belittle, or insult 
• SUPER vocal, opinionated, and in-your-face assertive
•  Overly involved in the therapy process
•  Frequently talks over you, or talks for so long you forget the point you were going to make
•  Demanding (if you don’t respond to their email fast enough they start texting you)
•  Slow with praise or compliments
•  If there is a chain of command, they never follow it. Any small grievance gets immediately reported to the top of the company 
•  Habitually speaks in an agitated or annoyed tone of voice (always seems upset)

Is this description ringing any bells?  

Over the years, I’ve had multiple experiences dealing with THAT parent. Some experiences were very brief, usually because the parents abruptly stopped services. Other experiences seemed to stretch out like stars against the night sky, and every day with them felt like 1,000 years.

Back in the day I used to approach these types of parents with a queasy stomach, sweaty palms, and a lovely tension headache whenever I was in their presence. They made me nervous, made me stammer over my words, or worse, left me angrily rehearsing unspoken conversations in my head of what I should have said, or how I should have responded. And of course, nothing like THAT parent to make you feel wholly incompetent and like a disgrace to your field.

Fast forward to today as I have a few things I didn’t have back then: perspective, increased maturity, and a munchkin of my own. As a munchkin wrangler, do I now understand what it’s like to be a 24-7 advocate for a child with Autism? No. Do I know what it’s like to navigate IEP’s, special education laws, inclusion classrooms, and the like? No. Have I nearly gone into bankruptcy trying to get my little one all the therapies she needs that insurance *coincidentally* won’t cover? Nope. BUT, I can only imagine what going through all of that might do to my awesome, bubbly personality. ;-)

And now we have reached my point: There is nothing wrong with being THAT parent. Not only is there nothing wrong with it, we ALL have the potential to be That parent when it comes to our children.

Even the most sweet, gentle, Happy Happy-Joy Joy parents that I work with have stories to tell me about that “one time” they acted like THAT parent. They ashamedly, or with clearly false bravado, tell me about the time they yelled at their child’s teacher, said the F word in an IEP meeting, or made the ABA therapist cry. 

For the most part, THAT parent doesn’t enjoy behaving the way they sometimes behave. They are not out to get you, and do not actually despise you. They are not intentionally trying to make your job harder, trying to get you fired, or trying to make you look bad. Actually it’s the opposite: they are more concerned about their child than about you.

 If fighting for what their child needs means you get yanked off a case, or receive regular 2 a.m. emails from them, or you have to spend 4 hours rewriting the behavior plan they didn’t like, then so be it. 

When dealing with THAT parent, it’s helpful to take a step back and switch out THAT for This:

• This parent did not ask to be in the position they are in
•  This parent may lack a strong support system that also gives them honest feedback on their behavior 
•  This parent may be having marriage problems
•  This parent may be dealing with emotional or mental health issues
•  This parent may still be carrying guilt about previous experiences where they did NOT speak up
• This parent may feel resentful that you can help their child in ways that they can’t
• This parent may not have slept in days because they stay up nights worrying about their child’s future

My advice for navigating the choppy waters around THAT parent is to choose empathy over offense, to tackle problems/conflict head on and respectfully, and to know when to back off. By “back off”, I mean know when to say “Well then I can’t help you”. 

Part of being an ethical professional is being able to assess when you are not adding value to someone’s situation. If the working relationship has become more about misunderstandings and heated conversations, then how is that helping the individual receiving services? It really has nothing to do with someone being THAT parent: if what you bring to the table is not seen as valuable to the parents/family, then get out of the way for someone else who could potentially be a better fit.

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Tameika Meadows, BCBA, Blog Author

Photo source: http://cogop.org, http://www.babasouk.ca

So excited to introduce a new resource, this one is targeted specifically to parents pursuing ABA therapy for their child.

I regularly talk with people who are seeking ABA therapists, have questions about what ABA therapy entails, or have been waiting and waiting for therapy services to begin and are curious if they should be doing something while waiting (the answer to that is always yes).

Since I am so incredibly brilliant, it only took a few hundred times of this happening before it occurred to me that perhaps creating a parent resource aimed at answering the most common questions would be helpful? Yes. I think it will be quite helpful.

If you are a parent currently in some stage of pursuing ABA therapy, this resource will help you:

• Finally get a straight and simple answer about what ABA therapy is
• Learn what to do about problem behavior, right now
• Learn how to help your child catch up developmentally, right now
• Identify (and avoid) the low quality or unethical therapy providers out there
• Increase your understanding of ABA & "ABA speak", in preparation for working with a team of ABA professionals

However, this resource won't just help parents. For my fellow ABA professionals, this resource can help you:

• Design/implement a parent training or parent resource to give to families currently on your waiting list
• Identify the top questions or concerns most parents have when initiating ABA therapy
• Clearly and plainly teach parents about Behavior Management, and Skill Acquisition

Click here to find this new resource on www.Amazon.com!

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Tameika Meadows, BCBA, Blog Author

For years I have received emails or phone calls from parents wanting to begin ABA services for their child, and full of more questions than answers. Even for people who know what ABA can do, they usually don’t know how to get started. Most parents who contact me are confused and frustrated, and still emotionally processing the Autism diagnosis. Some parents have told me they wish the Autism diagnosis came with a fact sheet, or road map of what to do next. That would be pretty difficult to do. Autism impacts each person differently, and an Autism diagnosis is somewhat like a gemstone with many different facets and depths to it. There is no blank “Autism prescription”.  

 I am so-o-o-o happy to share this information with a wider audience. Information is only helpful when it is shared, so give the information in this post to anyone you may know who needs ABA therapy but maybe they’ve never heard of it, or don’t know where to start.

I'm going to generalize a lot in this post because ABA services vary so greatly based on location, and funding source. Here is a very generic guide of how to begin ABA therapy:

- The first thing you need to do is locate the ABA providers in your area. There may be agencies that send therapists to your home, private Autism schools, or centers where you drop your child off for therapy. If your child is under 3 there should be free Early Intervention services available to you, although early intervention doesn’t always offer ABA.  Contact the ABA providers to determine who has availability. It isn’t uncommon to contact an agency and be told there is a long waiting list. This can actually be a positive, because it means the company doesn't have adequate staff to cover cases. Instead of cramming a heavy caseload on their staff, a company will start a waiting list and take the time to hire quality staff. If there are no ABA providers in your area, I suggest starting your own in-home ABA program, which will include hiring a private BCBA.

-Sometimes if you get a referral or contact individuals through your insurance, the roles of ABA providers are not properly explained. Here is what I mean by that: usually an ABA Therapist and a BCBA do not perform the same tasks.  Are there BCBA's who work 1:1 with clients? Sure there are. But typically, if you are new to ABA what you want are ABA direct staff first, and then once you have a team in place you want a BCBA to supervise everything and create the treatment plan.

- The next step will be securing funding. The provider will inform you if they accept insurance, Medicaid, have a sliding fee scale, offer scholarships, or they may even tell you about grants available in your local area. If there are Regional Centers in your area, they are the ones who typically pay for ABA so you should contact them first. If the provider does accept insurance, you may have to secure a pre-authorization for services the funding before therapy can even start. If you live in an area without ABA mandated services, you will need to locate funding sources yourself, or possibly pay out of pocket for therapy.

- Now that you have a provider and funding, you are ready to begin ABA therapy. Whether the provider comes to your home, or you take your child to the center/school, you will need to receive ABA training. For many agencies and companies this is mandatory—families cannot begin therapy until they have completed initial family training. If you are working with an independent contractor (they work for themselves, not an agency) then I highly recommend you request initial training from that person. It will be very important that the family learn how to apply the fundamental techniques of ABA. In order to see the most benefit from the ABA therapy, the family must reinforce what the therapists are teaching. This will be very hard to do without ongoing caregiver training.

- Lastly, what is most important about beginning ABA therapy is understanding that ABA is a big commitment. It isn’t something you “kinda sorta” do. You will likely have a team of professionals coming in and out of your home several times each week, and it can be an annoying and overwhelming commitment. 

ABA therapy takes a lot of hard work and generalization from family/parents.  I can quite honestly say that parents who don’t understand or agree with that commitment do not see the progress they are expecting to see from ABA services.

**Quick Tip: For those of you still on the fence about if ABA therapy is necessary for your child, I suggest reading my “What is ABA?” post. 

Awesome Resource:  "A Parent's Guide - Before Starting ABA Therapy" This 31 page eBook helps parents learn what they can do, right NOW, to help their child learn and to reduce challenging behaviors while waiting on therapy services to begin.

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Tameika Meadows, BCBA, Blog Author